cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
