I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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