EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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