I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
