I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
