My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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