so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
