I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
