There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Randomize
