Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
