the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i barfeds in our rink
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
