I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
