So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
