He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
