i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've blown a few things in my day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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