U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
