Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
