i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
