Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Randomize
