Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
