There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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