just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
