She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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