wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
