Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
