hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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