dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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