its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
