I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
