note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
