Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
