Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
