Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We are two peas in an std pod
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
