My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
