No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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