Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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