Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
