sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
