i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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