I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
