i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
