Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
