I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
3pm strippers are depressing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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