It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
