sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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