1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
