You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
