I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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