Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
