i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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