in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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