I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
