I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
