I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
